Hello! How are you?

Thanks for checking in, stalker. My name is Tara Wood and I’m a 40-something stay at home Mom and freelance writer. My husband, Garrett is super hot and we have 7 delightfully cheeky kids.  Juliette (Jules) is 13, Bella (Bell) is 12, Mia is 10, Leo is 7, Ronan is 5 and Norah  is nearly 3 and we have a fantastic new addition- Marigold Alice who joined us at the end of June 2015. They cuss a little bit and sometimes say and do completely inappropriate things in public. A lot of  funny stuff happens and I feel obligated to tell you about it here on Love Morning Wood*. I find people utterly fascinating and will almost always take the time to listen to their stories and report back to you some of the ludicrous/hilarious/bizarre things they tell me. Oh, and I eavesdrop sometimes- people say some funny shit, y’all.

I’m not one to comment of societal ills or express my opinion on the goings on in the world. There are loads of smart, or at least highly opinionated writers, in that niche but you won’t find me there. I just like to make people laugh and maybe feel better about being an imperfect parent or person who stumbles. Also, if you are highly offended by “profanity” (we call them ‘sentence enhancers’ around here) then you may want to reconsider reading my words. I love Jesus but I cuss a little bit.

Thank you for spending part of your day with me. It makes me super happy to know that you’re here!

*Wondering about the name of the blog? I’ll explain: My last name is Wood and the only time I can write is early in the morning when all of the kids are still asleep. And I hope you ‘love’ it….Love Morning Wood. It’s not about A.M. erections- I promise. You can totally Google that, though, if that’s what you’re in to. No judgments here.


30 thoughts on “About

  1. My husband taught your children art. He said they are “great little artists” and “really great kids-some of his favorites” 🙂

  2. I’ve only got 4 but it’s so hard to find people with more than just one or two. I’ve only had time to read a few posts before all chaos is about to break loose here, but I look forward to feeling a little less alone in the trenches 🙂 Thanks!

  3. You are hilarious!! We are a blended family of 8. My kids are 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, & 15. People are always staring at us trying to figure it all out. It looks like I got pregnant at 15 and had a baby every year. We make up crazy stories all the time to freak people out. I like to tell nosey bitches that I was in a cult and had my oldest son when I was 12….they all go along with it. 🙂

    • Thank you, Kate! I love saying crazy shit and messing with people, too. Especially old nosy ladies! They act like I’M the one who’s being rude! I’m like “Really? You’re judging my family! You’re the asshole!”
      So happy to hear from you!

  4. I have seven, (our last two were twins :)) love your post on Scary Mommy!

  5. i only have four and I get tons of great questions.

    My all time favorite comment was from the father of one of my child’s classmates. He said I should find another way to entertain my husband, like a TV in the room!

    I look forward to reading more of your blog.

    • Hi Tina! Thank you so much for reading. People have some major balls when it come to what they feel comfortable saying to other, huh? I’m delighted to have you here. Looking forward to knowing you!

  6. Hilarious post on big families! We have baby# 5 on the way and I’m from a family of 12.. People say the craziest stuff! 🙂 love your responses.

    • Thank you so much, Melissa! It seems, to me, that if you have more than 3 kids, that’s when the crazy questions and comments come rolling in. 3 appears to be the number that most people find acceptable- after that you’re fair game for insults and crazy looks from assholes.
      I feel sad for people who can’t recognize what a gift large families are- their loss, really.
      Hope your pregnancy is wonderful and that he/she is shaped like a bullet at delivery time!
      Thank you so much for stopping by. I look forward to hearing from you again!

  7. Where the hell were u when my kids were little, and I was Nuts to make me laugh??
    I have 3 teens and a 9 year old, soo..it’s still crazy and my house is never clean. So I still qualify to read and Get your blog.
    Thanks for the laughs

    • Lol! You totally qualify! I’m so happy to have you here! I feel like I can learn from you…tell me what life is like with 3 teens- I shudder at the thought!
      Thank you so much for stopping by- I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

  8. Elaine Simonsen

    hi! I love your writing! I’m a mom of 5 (ages 9,7,5,3,&1). Thank you for understanding my life and writing so perfectly about it!!

  9. Just discovered your blog and I love it! I can’t wait to see what happens next. Your reactions and descriptions are hilarious. Thanks for the laughs!

  10. Just started reading your blog. I have 6 (13, 11, 9, 7, 4, 2) with one more on the way and the only time I can read is at night. I am laying here stifling snorting sounds with tears running down my face from reading your stories. I’m surprised my husband doesn’t think I’m having some kind of fit, I’m shaking the bed so much. I love them and they couldn’t have come at a better time. Love, love, love them. Thank you

  11. […] “Diazepam? Good stuff.  I understand why you’d write about it.”  (Love Morning Wood) […]

  12. One eye opening shock after another around here Tara! First I’m forced into lol while everyone’s sleeping when I first see your FB page, then I foolishly follow the link to your site and I’m greeted with two of the funniest blogs ever (love the sphincter gratitude) and then your warmhearted “Thanks for checking in, stalker” greeting. Busted. In a good way. Thanks for bringing a little levity to the world of parents AND writers. You’re making the world a little brighter!! More please… 😉

  13. I found your blog this morning and my kids kept asking me what was so funny. I couldn’t stop reading because I couldn’t stop laughing! I’m just relieved to see that I’m not the only one who thinks her kids are assholes sometimes. I’m an adoptive mother of 4 multiracial kids ages 4,5,6, and 7. If you think you get strange looks with a bunch of kids, try being the whitest white girl on the planet (seriously, I’m about half a shade darker than Elmer’s glue) with 4 kids that each have 2-3 ethnic backgrounds. For real, we check every box except Asian at my house. Lucky for the jerks out there, my usual policy is that if I live with it, I get to laugh at it and their dumb looks/comments no longer bother me much. I love your writing, please never stop!

    • YOU ARE AN ANGEL! Thank you so much! I get some flack for calling them assholes sometimes, but you know what? Sometimes they’re assholes. Anyone that knows me knows that it would be impossible for me to love or be more involved with my kids. I just keep shit real. When they’re being dickheads, I let them know. I would want someone to tell me, you know?
      Thank you so much for being here and for taking the time to comment, friend.

  14. I just discovered your blog and am loving it!! You are a great mommy and a seriously funny chick! My favorite stranger story is while renewing my drivers license two days away from having a c-section, I was speaking to the clerk with my toddler and she said “when are you due?” I said Wednesday. Complete gentleman stranger behind me said snottily ” you don’t know that!” I said yes, I’m scheduled for a c-section. He harumphed.

  15. I just stumbled on your blog from a friend’s facebook share, & read the stinky Marshall’s post. I was dying laughing! I cannot remember the last time I laughed that hard. My 13 year old came in my office to see what was going – she, too, loved it & laughed! Looking forward to keeping up with your blog. You defintely have a way with words 🙂

  16. Hi Tara! I found your blog after the One Mother to Another page shared your post about your son’s school picture. My husband and I were dying over what you wrote about it! I then proceeded to do what any self-respecting Facebook addict does and stalked your page. Amidst laugh-crying over your posts, I discovered that handsome little dude in the picture was named Leo. I thought that was cool because my older son is Leo, too. Then I saw you have a Ronan and I thought that was crazy because I have a kid named Rowyn. I almost have the same name as you, too, except my parents were d*cks and added an “h” in mine and demanded it be pronounced in such a way as to make it that I be the only human on earth whose name is pronounced like Sarah with a lisp. I decided I needed to share the craziness with you when I saw that we were both born on June 11. Naturally, I’m a fan of yours now. 🙂

  17. Yes I stalked you from a link on the old man story. Why aren’t you writing anymore? Are all the little assholes keeping you too busy. Seething with jealousy. I only have 3 and wish I had 7. I’m a fellow toilet tongue. Fuck is a highly underused enhancer. Clearly I’m very nosy and don’t understand why the fuck funny Tara rhymes with Lara hasn’t posted in a long time. Enjoy your words

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