Love in the Time of Neck Hair

My husband, Garrett, is a strong man- physically, mentally, and emotionally solid. He’s stoic and steadfast. He’s not overly animated when telling a story or explaining whatever the hell.

Let our two-year-old find a rogue hair growing out of the back of his neck, twirl it around her bony little finger then yank it, though, and he drops to his knees like he’s just been bitten on the left nut by a rabid meth squirrel.

Me: “What happened?”

Garrett: “Your daughter just did some kind of Vulcan nerve pinch or some shit. What the hell? Is there a hair back there or something?”

Me: “There is! It’s a renegade old man hair… want me to pull it out?”

Garrett: “Yeah but get it out on the first try- it seems to be attached to my soul and every pain receptor in my body.”

And although the sadist in me toyed with the idea of not plucking it as aggressively as I would need to in order to free him of his follicular nemesis, I was efficient and relentless in my attack.

And that restraint I, friends, is how you know you truly love someone.

(Also, I made a mental note of the coordinates of the hair’s location. I mean, hair grows back, he’s bound to piss me off at some point, and I need a reliable, surprise weapon. I love the guy but shit happens and I’m a realist.)

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5 thoughts on “Love in the Time of Neck Hair

  1. Isn’t “renegade old man hair” redundant? I mean it’s in the very nature of old man hair to pop out in places where there shouldn’t be hair. And to have approximately the same circumference as a sequoia, making it easy to grab. For those of us who thought puberty was bad discovering that old age is its evil twin is hell.

    • They’re popping up so frequently and in random places- I can’t keep up. Sadly, only this one particular neck hair brought him to his knees. I’d have a never ending source of ammunition.

  2. LOVE the last sentence!

  3. Haha. This cracked me up. I’m a popper. If my hubbo has a pimple blackhead hair I squeeze jump and attack him. Heehee. But when one of our 2 kids messes with him and does something he cries worse then them. And the difference is I can at least get the kids to stop eventually 😉

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