Have you ever walked into a public restroom and discovered something so vile and offensive that you just cannot even so you turn to briskly walk/run out the door, being mindful not to touch anything and to maybe hold your breath until you’ve safely exited the room of odiousness and in your haste you glance over at the mirror and you see the look of utter horror on your face and you think to yourself “So THAT’s what I look like when I walk into a Target bathroom, open a stall door and see that someone defecated and then seemingly attempted to wipe their ass- not with the ample toilet paper provided, the end of which is hanging in plain view from the bottom of the dispenser, but with the actual toilet seat, front of the toilet bowl and a little bit of the stall wall.”
Then your mind starts manufacturing possible scenarios: I wonder wtf happened in here. Did someone just have an accident? Did they try to clean up their shit but then the mess got worse and worse until they said “F*ck it, I tried. Not my job to clean my own defecation when it happened in a public restroom. Is this someone’s, like, “thing” you know, to shit on every conceivable surface in the Target bathroom stall? Is there a shit bandit on the loose? I’d expect something like this in WalMart, wouldn’t think twice about it, in fact, but my beloved Target? No. I HAVE to tell someone.
So you go to customer service and you’re all “Hi, yeah, ummmm…I just wanted to let you know that something really, very bad happened in the first stall in the ladies restroom. Not, like, a murder or an abandoned baby or anything, but whichever of your unfortunate employees is charged with bathroom duty (ha! duty) today will probably want to suit up in a something akin to what hospital workers wear when dealing with an Ebola patient or that flesh eating bacteria- what’s it called? Necrotizing something or other?- Anyway, I just thought you should know beacuse it’s not a good situation in there. It’s appalling, actually. Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend and, as always, God bless Target!” And then you maybe salute a little bit, just a general salute to or at nothing in particular, before you drink and bathe in hand sanitizer (the UP and UP brand, naturally).
Hmmm? Has that ever happened to you guys?