Maybe a Little Bit Fruity?

*From the archives; originally published 3/29/2014

 

I’m not sure why, but strangers will talk to me about almost anything. Maybe I release a scent that lets them know that I’m desperate for adult conversation. Maybe my eyes say “Please, random stranger, tell me about your sinus infection or your cousin’s closed head injury…and don’t leave out the gross details!” I’m not complaining, y’all. I consider it a gift. I’ve met some amazing people and heard some incredible stories because of this stranger- attracting gift I’ve been given.

Just a couple of days ago, I had a fun encounter with a lovely older lady in the grocery store. I was in the aisle picking up Diet Coke and she was staring blankly at the vast wall of wine. I had to ask her to move her shopping cart over a bit so I could get by.

Me: “Excuse me, M’am, could I just scoot by?”

Older lady: “Oh, sure, honey. I’m not paying a bit of attention.”

Me: “No problem. Thank you.”

Older lady: “May I trouble you a moment? Do you know anything about these wines? Which is your favorite?”

Me: “I don’t drink but I can try to help you. Do you want red or white wine?”

Older lady: “Hmmmm…I’m not really sure. I just need something that’s sweet. Maybe a little bit fruity? I don’t really want it to taste like wine.”

Me: “I’m not really sure there are any that don’t taste like wine…Maybe you should get a flavored vodka and mix it with a fruit juice?”

Older lady: “No, vodka is for people who want to get drunk. I just want a little something that I can mix with my husband’s strawberry Ensure. He’s lost that “loving feeling”, if you know what I mean. I’m just trying to give him a little kick in the rear. We ladies have needs too, don’t we honey?”

Me: “Wow! Good for you! It’s good to keep the romance alive.”

Older lady: “I just want the sex every couple of weeks or so. Does wine spoil or will it keep in the pantry for a while?”

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4 thoughts on “Maybe a Little Bit Fruity?

  1. How can there be no comments here? My head hurts this made me laugh so hard (on top of laughing over the lizard in your hair, yup, I’d pee too, the doody call and the neck hair incident). Does wine keep, indeed.

    I’m going to have to keep you around for when I need the laughs.

    • Thank you so much for reading! I have so much more interaction on my Facebook page. I rarely post here anymore but in hoping to change that soon. Are you in Facebook? Look me up there!
      Love Morning Wood.
      😉

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