It’s My Gift To You

I suppose it was when I witnessed our daughter crack open an egg by squeezing it into submission that I realized I’m wholly responsible for widening the line that separates my children from the likes of the caveman or the velociraptor or The Hulk.

This weekend, I’ll be lecturing on a wide array of subjects including “Playing with matches = bad”, “Wiping front to back- it’s all in the wrist”, “Green teeth will not get you married”, and, of course, “It’s really simple, dumbass or how to crack an egg.”

Send your kids over. There’s no charge. It’s my gift to humanity.

You’re welcome, civilized society, you’re welcome.

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