That Kid Gets a Bar of Soap

Ronan had all but dropped ‘shit’ and ‘son of a bitch’ out of his vocabulary. There was still the occasional ‘What the shit just happened?’ when he was playing a game on the iPad but, aside from that, there had been no cussing.

On the drive to his preschool a few of days ago, there was a dead deer on the side of the road. “That son of a bitch reindeer didn’t make it”, he said. I cringed a little and hoped that this wasn’t the beginning of another cursing spree.

Later that night, Leo was aggravating Ronan and he responded a well-placed hammer fist and “Stop it- you a shit!”

I reminded him that it’s not okay for a 4-year-old to use those words- although the laughter coming from his siblings completely undermined my gentle reproach- and he seemed to understand.

When Santa came to visit the preschool yesterday, the parents were invited to attend- partly for the photo-op but mostly to corral their kids until it was their turn to sit on Santa’s lap and receive a gift. Ronan and Norah were among the last two names called and their initial excitement at the thought of meeting the fat guy gradually turned into impatience and frustration with me continually telling them “just a few more minutes/you have to wait until you hear your name called.”

When it was their turn, Norah hopped on Santa’s lap and happily smiled for the camera. Ronan, however, started toward Santa but then turned on his heel and ran back to me. Santa, trying to coax him to come closer, shook the gift bag in Ronan’s general direction and said “Come on over and get your gift, young man.”

“It’s okay, buddy- go get your gift. You don’t have to sit in his lap if you don’t want to”, I said.

Ronan hesitantly walked over to Santa but then suddenly, through clenched teeth, grabbed the bag and said “Gimme that shit you son of a bitch.”

Thankfully, another kid’s crying drowned out my son’s profanity and no other parents were close enough to hear it either. Nonetheless, I was mortified and packed it up real quick-like and hit the road.

Sorry, kind and gentle Santa. I have no idea where the shit this little son of a bitch gets it from. It’s a real shame.

I blame his father.


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