I recently started wearing glasses when I read or write. The first few times I wore them, the kids wouldn’t stop staring at me. Like, I could feel them studying my profile while I typed. They would stand a few feet away, tilt their heads and sort of whisper to each other about how my glasses made them feel.
Finally, I opened the floor for questions.
“Guys- what’s up? They’re just glasses. I don’t even wear them all the time. Why are you guys freaked out?”
Mia: “Is it ’cause you’re old now? You can’t see so good?”
Me: “I’m not old. I’m awesome but, yes, as you get older your eyes might need some help focusing on small font and these glasses make it easier for me to read.”
Bella: “I like them! They make you look smart and bossy.”
Me: “That’s more like it.”
Leo: “I like them, too, Mom. I think they make you look prettier.”
Me: “Yeah? Thanks, buddy!”
Leo: “Yeah, ’cause they, like, kind of hide your wrinkles. You know you got some wrinkles around your eyes, right? So when you wear them they make you look prettier ’cause you can’t see the wrinkles that you have around your eyes and you look not so old and stuff. You should wear them when you go out of the house all the time.”
Me: ” And the tears in my eyes….do the glasses help hide those, too, you honest little asshole?”
I’m just kidding. I didn’t really say that part. I did think it, though, while I excused myself to the bathroom to wipe the vertical lines of mascara streaming down my cheeks and re-apply my eye cream.
We’ll soon be implementing a “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy about Mommy’s declining facial firmness around here.