It Was That Kid

Our kids are pretty good eaters. Save for the teenager and 4-year-old, they will eat a wide variety of foods and are open to trying ethnic foods that they’re not always familiar with.

Recently, I made Madras lentils with basmati rice for dinner. Don’t get all excited, though. The lentils were in a little pouch that you can pop in the microwave. I assure you I put little to no effort into this dish. I did tell them that Madras lentils are a traditional dish in India and patted myself on the back for referencing a different culture- knowing that makes me all hip and international and shit.

The next morning, Mia asked if I’d send the leftover lentils and rice in a thermos for her lunch at school.

Me: “Are you sure? It might not be very warm by the time you eat it. Plus, lentils can be kind of stinky. Your classmates might think you farted when you open up the thermos.”

Mia: “Yeah, I’m sure. I fart at school all the time. If you just kinda tilt your head toward the kid next to you, people will think that kid farted. They never think it’s you. I plan on doing that for the rest of my life. You can only get away with it if they’re the silent ones, though. ‘Cause if people hear you fart, it’s harder to blame it on someone else because, you know, they heard it. That’s why I always try to make my farts very quiet. You just have to let it out really slowly and then they’re usually quiet. Sometimes it doesn’t always work, though. Sometimes they’re just, like, regular farts. Then you just have to say “Yep. That was me. Excuse me.”

Me: “Wow. That’s a lot a strategy you’ve got going on there. So lentils, then?”

Mia: “Yep. I’ll plan on sitting next to a boy and blaming him for the smell.”

Kid’s got a future in politics, I think.


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