I’m Not the One to Ask

Sometimes the kids will have some pretty serious questions. Out of nowhere, they’ll ask something deep and profound about about a whole host of things but mostly about life and death and the stuff that happens in between. 

That’s what I thought was happening when Leo posed the question:

“What happens in Heaven?”

Me: “Do you mean what do you do there?”

Leo: “Yeah. Like, how long are you there?”

Me: “Well, if you make it into heaven, you never leave. You get to stay there.”

Leo: “But what if you want to leave? What if you want to go on a vacation or something?”

Me: “I think that no one ever wants to leave because it’s perfect there. It’s like an all the time vacation. There’s no where better to go and your soul is happy all the time and you never feel like you need to find fun or happiness anywhere else.”

Leo: “Well, how do you get around?”

Me: “Like, drive places?”

Leo: “Yeah- how do you get to the store and stuff?”

Me: “Well, there aren’t stores or cars. You’re a soul and you don’t need food or clothes anymore; you don’t have to drive anywhere because everything is fulfilled and provided for you. You won’t want or need anything because everything is perfect. There’s no need for anything you could possibly by at a store or for cars to drive you there.  I know it’s hard to understand. I have lots of questions about Heaven, too. Did I answer your question or make you more confused?”

Leo: “I just want to know if there are beaches and unicorns in Heaven.”

Me: “Beaches and unicorns…that’s super specific. Why do you want to know about those things?”

Leo: “Because these guys on the internet said that there were and that sounds awesome. I could drive a unicorn ’cause it’s not, like, a car. I could just steer it by its horn so I don’t run into people who are playing on the Heaven beach. I wouldn’t have to be 14 or however old you have to be to drive a car and I could be like “Yeah, I’m a little kid goin’ to the beach on my unicorn up here in Heaven, so what? You can’t arrest me ’cause anyone can drive unicorns.” And did you know that unicorns fart rainbows? That’s awesome, too, isn’t it? Rainbow farts.”

Me: “I think we should talk more about Heaven when you’re a little bit older…and not so excitable about farts.”

Leo: “Okay. So, then, there are unicorns and beaches up there. I thought so.”


Sometimes their questions are profound and existential. Other times they’re just very simple or practical or inane. I’ve learned that I tend to like his questions best. They’re weird and mostly about farts. I can handle those. I’ll be directing all other questions to Garrett who is much more qualified and refined and has more time to devote to real answers.

I’m busy trying to find the best price on a child’s size 6 t-shirt of a unicorn farting rainbows.




One thought on “I’m Not the One to Ask

  1. allencountyautism

    Isn’t that the truth!

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