That’s Not What I Heard

It’s always fun when our kids cuss in public. When I say ‘fun’ I mean ‘mortifying’. It does happen occasionally, though.  I usually try not to react and then it often becomes a non-issue.

Yesterday, the littlest kids and I were in the grocery store. An employee was stocking cases of bottled water on an end cap. He dropped one of the cases and it made a loud noise when it hit the ground. We were passing by as it happened and the sound startled the kids.

Ronan: “Oh shit! What was that?”

Me: “That was loud, huh? That guy just dropped those bottles of water. It’s okay.”

Employee guy (laughing): “Did he just say what I think he said?”

Me: “If you think he said “Oh snap! I need a nap!” then, yeah.”

Employee guy (still laughing): “That’s not what I heard! That was awesome!”

Me: “Was it? Let’s just pretend he didn’t say what he said.”

Employee guy to Ronan: “High five, dude! You’re a cool little man!”

And then for the rest of the day, in about 20 minute intervals, I heard “Oh shit! What was that? I a cool guy!”

So far this morning there’s been no cussing. I’m hoping to avoid loud noises today lest it trigger the sailor mouth in him. Fingers crossed no cars backfire or fire alarms go off while we’re out of the house.

Why has no one invented a real life mute button for kids yet? There are cars that can drive and park themselves but we can’t have a handheld device that can shut down our kids like a Vulcan nerve pinch? C’mon technology, throw parents a bone- or at least some duct tape!



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