The KW Word

If you’ve been a reader for a while, you may know of Leo’s affinity for the word ‘asshole’. If someone cuts us off in traffic or swoops in a steals our parking space, he’s been known to say “That guy’s an asshole, right Mom?”. If a kid at school is mean to him or one of his friends, Leo lets me know that he called that kid an ‘asshole’ but he did it in his mind so that no teachers or friends heard him. He’s conscientious like that.

He and one of his older sisters were arguing about whose turn it was to use the computer when he said “Fine but you’re being an asshole!”.

As an aside, Leo doesn’t pronounce his “r’s” so words ‘door’ and ‘water’ are pronounced as ‘dowah’ and ‘wadduh’. The letter ‘r’ becomes a ‘w’ when he speaks. Also we’ve been working on reading and sounding out words this summer.

I called him into the kitchen for a little chat after he called his sister an asshole.

Me: “You know you can’t use that word, right? Remember we’ve talked about this? ‘Asshole’ is not a word that a 6-year-old should say.”

Leo: “I know, I know. I was just so mad and she was being a jerk.”

Me: “I understand and it’s okay to be mad, but you can’t use that word, got it? You’ll have to think of another word- like, you can tell her you feel like she’s being a ‘jerk’- that word is fine.”

Leo: “Can I just say ‘ass’?”

Me: “No, you can’t.”

Leo: “Mia said that that word is in the Bible and so we can say it.”

Me: “Well, when the word ‘ass’ is used in the Bible, it’s referring to an animal, a donkey. It wasn’t used as an insult, I don’t think.”

Leo: “Well, then, what can I say when someone is being an ‘asshole’?

Me: “Stop saying ‘asshole’. You can say ‘jerk’ or even ‘butthead’ although you probably shouldn’t say ‘butthead’ at school- you might get in trouble.”

Leo: “Can I say the ‘KW’ word?”

Me (confused): “The ‘KW’ word?”

Leo: “Yeah, you know, “kwap”.

Me (even more confused): “Kwap?”

Leo: “Yeah, like “dog kwap” or ‘This spaghetti tastes ‘kwappy’? Can I say that?”

Me: “Ohhhhhh! Crap! You’re saying ‘crap’?”

Leo: “Yes! Kwap that’s what I’m saying! Can I say that word?”

Me: “Ummmm…I guess so. But just in our house, okay? Don’t say it around other people. Is that a deal?”

Leo: “Deal!”

He got up from the table, promptly marched into the computer room and announced “I can’t call you an ‘asshole’ but I can call you a ‘kwaphole’. You’re being a huge kwaphole and I hope you lose that game.”

And then he threw a glass of waddah at her and slammed the doowah in her face.

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