And You Don’t Have ‘Em

I’m not sure what prompts it or why they’re concerned but, from time to time, our children will ask Garrett and me if we will ever divorce. We rarely argue (truly!) and if we do, the kids never witness it. We are playful, affectionate and prone to fits of laughter in the company of one another. Still, though, the question “Will you and Dad ever break up?” will be occasionally asked.

Recently, Mia and Leo walked into the kitchen where I was cooking dinner.

Mia: “Mom- we were wondering if you and Dad are ever going to get divorced?”

Me: “I don’t think so, honey. We are very happy and we love being together and we work on our marriage everyday. Your Dad is my best friend and no one in the world makes me laugh the way he does. Sometimes we have disagreements but we talk about what’s bothering us and try to work through it quickly.”

Mia: “Then why do parents sometimes get divorced?”

Me: “Well, sometimes people fall out of love with each other but in love with someone else. Sometimes they don’t make their marriage a priority and time passes and they wake up one day and just aren’t happy anymore. Sometimes there are just problems that they can’t seem to overcome and they feel like they’d be happier not being married anymore. There are all kinds of reasons, really.”

Leo: “What if Dad finds someone that makes him laugh more that you?”

Me: “Well, then I’d try to be funnier.”

Mia: “Do you think Dad thinks you’re pretty? Maybe he’s gonna fall in love with someone else who’s prettier than you…”

Me: “Maybe, but he tells me everyday that he thinks I’m beautiful.”

Mia: “What about your boobs?”

Me: “What about my boobs?”

Mia: “I’m just saying you have really little boobs and there are ladies who are prettier than you and have bigger boobs and we might end up with a new Mom if you’re not careful.”

Me: “You think I need to buy bigger boobs, then?”

Mia: “I’ve just heard that guys like big boobs and you don’t have ’em.”

Me: “Uh oh- I hope Dad loves me for more than my boobs.”

Mia: “He probably does- it’s probably fine.”

Leo (bursting into tears): “Oh, God! Please get bigger boobs! I don’t want another Mom!”

Mia: “Oh hush, Leo. Dad couldn’t find another lady to take of all six of us…he’s stuck with our Mom and her tiny boobs.”

So, it seems, if a hilarious, beautiful, large-chested woman comes along looking to raise 6 kids that she didn’t give birth to, I’m screwed.


2 thoughts on “And You Don’t Have ‘Em

  1. I’m crying that was so funny! My kids are still just wee ones so I don’t get comments like that. You handle it so well, so funny! Thank you for sharing!

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