Tall and Mean

I had a few errands yesterday and brought our 3-year-old, Ronan, along with me. You may recall that Ronan has an, er, ‘impulsive’ bladder…this . We stopped by a local thrift shop where I’ve scored some awesome furniture  in the past. After a few minutes, I noticed my boy’s “I need to pee” behavior and quickly asked a store employee if I could take him to the restroom. “Ummm, I’m not sure-you’ll have to ask that tall lady back there” and she pointed us to the back of the store. There was a separate room with a few other employees sorting items and the ‘tall lady’ was walking out of that room as we approached. By this point, Ronan was stepping in place and tightly gripping his penis- it was obvious kid had to pee.

Me: “Hi, excuse me, could he please use your restroom?”

Tall lady (very dismissively and without making eye contact): “No- no public restrooms.”

Me: “Right, I understand, but could you just please let him use it? He really has to go.”

Tall lady (refusing to look at Ronan who was now hopping in place, squeezing the life out of his penis and teary eyed): “Nope. No public restrooms. No exceptions.”

Me: “Are you kidding me? He’s 3-years-old. I promise I won’t use it. Please, it’ll only take a second.”

Tall lady: “I don’t know what to tell you…no exceptions.”

She, still refusing to look at us, started hanging clothes on a rack.

I was indignant.

I took Ronan’s hand and said (loud enough so that the other customers around us could hear me) “Come on, son, I guess you’ll just have to pee in the parking lot.”

When he let go of his crotch to hold my hand, though, pee started trickling down his leg and onto the floor. Under different circumstances I would’ve been mortified but I felt bad for him and pissed at Tall Lady. “Uh oh, Mommy, I peeing” he said with a worried expression on his sweet, translucent face.

I hustled him outside as quickly as possible but there was a distinct trail of pee following us.

As we approached the front of the store where the entrance, exit, and cash register are all located, the lady at the register looked at us and tenatively said “Uhhhh, we have a restroom in the back.”

Me: “Yeah, well, Tall Lady in the back there wouldn’t let him use it so now there’s pee on your floor.”

We made it out the door and he finished peeing on the sidewalk, in front of God and everyone, on Broad Street. Public urination is not something I encourage but the alternative was him peeing a bladder full on the floor of the store…and don’t think I didn’t spitefully consider that.

I swear, if I’d have known which car was hers, I might have had him pee in Tall Lady’s hubcaps.

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