The Preferable Things to Pee Upon

I’ve always been a little envious of the male gender. Not at all of the dangly appendage but that it’s easier to be more discreet when peeing outdoors. Women have to squat which makes it painfully obvious what is happening. Men, however, can stand in front of tree seemingly observing it’s bark for signs of disease when in fact, they’re peeing. How fantastically tricky! Unless you witness the stream or puddle you just have to give them the benefit of the doubt. I mean, maybe they’re an arborist or something.

I remember,now, the male is not born knowing that they should not pee openly and proudly, like a fountain in Vegas. I’d forgotten that being discreet when urinating outdoors is a lesson that must be taught. I overlooked the teaching of this life skill to our Ronan. Recently, this misstep was made abundantly clear in a parking lot. I was buckling Norah into her car seat and turned to see Ronan, pants and underwear around his ankles, peeing into the holes of the hubcap of a neighboring car. Before I could react, his stream was diminishing and he was all done. Thankfully, no one was walking by and the piss puddle was relatively contained.

I should let you know that his aim was impeccable.

Also, I apologize, early model Mercury Cougar driver, that my son peed into your hubcaps. I have since taught him that, when outdoors, trees and shrubs are the preferable things to pee upon. Or hell, just the ground, really.

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One thought on “The Preferable Things to Pee Upon

  1. Katie Hansen

    Brandon did this at a McDonalds outdoor play space once and Justin once did it into the window wash container at the gas station. Lots of witnesses both times. mortifying!

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