Rogue Wave

I’ve mentioned before that I am not a fan of submerging any part of my body into water when I cannot see what else is in that water. Whatever just brushed across the top of my foot was probably just a bit of seagrass, I’m sure, but my brain says “killer squid”. I try, but I can’t convince my imagination that it’s probably nothing. I guess because the word ‘probably’ doesn’t mean ‘definitely’ so there is a chance that whatever it was is deadly.

We were with family this weekend on beautiful Lake Keowee in Sunset, South Carolina. The lake is man made and has a clay bottom, so no icky underwater vegetation to contend with. While we were out on the boat, some of the kids jumped in and I noticed that I could see their feet and legs through the clear, emerald water. I considered that maybe this was my kind of lake! I was excited that I didn’t feel boat-bound because of my irrational fear of water debris and swimming things that want only to kill me.

I’ve never been tubing in all my 41 years as that would mean that I’d have to be in murky lake water. The kids were encouraging me to try it and, with this water being so clear, I had no good reason to say ‘no’. I was doing it, dammit.

After strapping on our life vests, Bell and I jumped off the side and swam toward the round tube. After hoisting myself up in what must have been a most ungraceful fashion, we held onto the straps and my cousin, Jeff, who was serving as Captain that day, accelerated the boat.

It was so much fun! Bell and I exchanged quick, smiley glances and laughed and laughed. The thing is, though,there was a rogue wave (lots of other boat and jet ski traffic on July 4th) and I never saw it coming. All the waves and the wake created by our boat looked the same. We were smacked pretty hard and I had to make a split second decision…my sunglasses or my bikini bottom, both of which were simultaneously flying off my body.

I’m still not sure why I thought holding onto my $10 Target sunglasses was the way to go, but they’re what I chose. That means that several boaters, jet skiers and kayakers, if they were looking our way, got a eye full of my bare, shockingly white ass. Not only that, but my bottoms flew COMPLETELY off. Thankfully, I caught them with my left foot before they sunk to the depths of the lake. Did I mention that the water is pretty clear? So while guffawing, heaving with laughter and hastily pulling my bottoms up, Bell, exposed to all my bits and pieces, was yelling “Oh God, Mom! What happened? Where are your bottoms? Please put them back on! I can see your privates! Put them back on now, please!” as if it was my grand plan to expose my lady parts to Lake Kewoee.

I loved tubing! Who knew? Next time, though, I’ll wear a one piece swimsuit. Maybe two of them, just to be sure. And a couple pairs of jeans.

My apologies to Bell and the boaters of (beautiful) Lake Keowee.


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