And She Didn’t Just Fart

Our kids know that I have this blog, but they’ve never read it. I don’t talk to them about it or tell them who or what I’m going to write about. Occasionally, when something extra ludicrous happens, one of them will say “Are you putting that on your blog?” Otherwise, I try not to let them know what I’m writing. I don’t want them to change their behavior in an effort to make an appearance here and, on the flip side, I don’t want them to stop talking to me for fear of making an appearance here.

Oftentimes, when we’re out and about, people will stop me to mention a particular post that they enjoyed and related to or just to be generally sweet and supportive about Morning Wood. It’s awesome and lovely. When the kids are with me, sometimes people will say “Oh, is this the one that smacks people on the butt?” or “So THIS is Leo!? I know allllll about you, young man.” The younger kids have no idea what anyone is talking about, of course, and Leo is flighty and easily distracted so he’s not likely to be paying attention to the conversation anyway but I’m always sort-of holding my breath hoping that the kids don’t get mad about when a stranger mentions something I’ve written about them.

Mia was with me in Target last week when friend who is also a reader stopped to say ‘hello’. “Hey Mia! I saw that picture that Flo sent you- that’s cool, huh?” she said. Mia was polite and agreeable but when the conversation was over, her face dropped and it was clear that she was not amused that I’d written about her devotion to Flo the Progressive insurance lady.

Me: “What?”

Mia: “Um, how did she know about my picture of Flo?”

Me: “It was cool- I may have mentioned it on the blog.”

Mia: “Great.”

Me: “What? It’s awesome! Flo sent you a picture! Not everyone has a picture of Flo.”

Mia: “I don’t want everyone knowing my business.”

Me: “I just told my friends that you really like Flo and that she found out and sent you a picture, that’s all.”

Mia: “Yeah but now everyone knows that I have that picture and they’re gonna be all “Hey, Mia, since you and Flo are friends, can you get me a picture of her?”

Me: “I don’t think that’s going to happen. I think they’re just happy for you. I don’t think this is going to turn into a side project.”

Mia: “I don’t know what a ‘side project’ is but people better not ask for a picture of Flo or my autograph. We’re both busy and I don’t want people knowing my business. And don’t, like, tell people when I fart and stuff.”

Me: “Don’t worry…I won’t.”

Mia: “Cause I just farted while we were talking to that lady but you don’t need to go telling people.”

Me: “Don’t worry…I won’t.”

So, please, people- don’t ask Mia for her autograph or for her to score a picture of Flo for you. And she did not just fart.

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