Murder You in Your Sleep

The first big fight of the summer went like this:

Mia (busting through the door): “Mom! Bell and Jules are saying that Flo from the Progressive commercials isn’t real! They’re saying that I’m an idiot for thinking she’s real.”

Me: “Well, she is a real person but she’s an actress- she’s playing the character of ‘Flo’ on the commercials.”

Mia: “Nooooo! How do you know that? Do you know her? Maybe she’s like that all the time…you guys don’t know!”

Jules: “Mia- No one is like that all the time. They PAY her to act like the character ‘Flo’ that someone created.”

Mia: “I don’t believe you guys and I don’t have to!”

Bell: “You don’t have to believe us but I wouldn’t tell anyone that you think Flo is a real life person- that makes you sound like a total idiot.”

Mia: “No it doesn’t! I can believe in what I want to believe in! Mom- tell them that if I want to think that Flo is real and walking around wearing that outfit somewhere that I can and I’m not an idiot-they’re idiots for telling me what I can’t believe in!”

Me: “Okay, guys- let’s bring it down a notch. Mia- if you want to believe in Flo, then believe in Flo- it’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with wanting her to be a real person. Jules and Bell- she’s not an idiot. Let her believe what she wants- it’s not hurting anyone. Now go read a book or something.”

Bell: “She IS hurting someone! I don’t want people to be all “Hey, there’s Mia-Bella’s sister- she thinks Flo is a real person. It’s embarrassing!”

Mia: “Well I don’t want people saying “Hey, there’s Bella-Mia’s sister- she crushes peoples dreams and has giant teeth.”

Bell: “Shut up. I don’t have giant teeth.”

Mia: “Yes, you do. You shut up, giant teeth.”

Bell: “What- are you gonna tell ‘Flo’ if I don’t?”

Mia: “Yep- and she’s gonna kill you in your sleep.”

And then giant teeth and murdering people in their sleep became two subjects that are now off limits in our home. And maybe don’t mention Flo…she’s a real bone of contention up in here.

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