Poop Eater

If you’ve ever potty trained a kid, you know it can be unnerving. Worse than that, though, it’s disgusting. Our process involves letting the kid run around the house completely naked and being home-bound until they’ve gotten the hang of it. It sucks. There’s lots of paper towels, antibacterial cleaner and feigned support through gritted teeth when the inevitable accidents happen.

Ronan is potty training right now. He’s doing great with the pee pee part but usually takes a little longer for kids to poop in the potty. I know this, but it didn’t cross my mind when I saw him and his bare ass head out to the playroom after lunch yesterday. A few minutes later, he walked into the kitchen with a worried look all over his face and trail of doo doo down the inner part of both of his legs. “Oh no- it’s a mess, Mommy. C’mere, I show you”…. and he lead me into the playroom. There was a little pile of poop on the floor (which is vinyl, thank goodness). “Uh oh, buddy. You have to pee AND poop in the potty, okay?” I said as I lead him into the bathroom for a bleach bath. While he was soaking, I grabbed my cleaning supplies and paper towels and headed out to the playroom to gag and retch my way through an extremely upsetting process. There was no poop there, though. What WAS there was our black lab, Holly, licking the very spot where our kid’s poop had been. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt a more curious combination of repugnance, horror, nausea, gratefulness and appreciation all at once. It was shocking and appalling, y’all. Then again, I didn’t have to clean it up so that was unexpectedly awesome. I’m on the fence about my feelings for our dog now. I can’t look her in the eye- I literally gag. On the other hand, I’m wondering if, with a fun marketing campaign and cute graphics, we can turn this into a money maker.

Holly’s cleaning process is organic and trash-free. She is very agreeable and seems to lack self-respect thereby keeping yours intact….maybe we could set up a little booth outside of Whole Foods and rent her out by the week.

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