A couple of days ago, I was behind a cop in traffic. I noticed that one of his taillights was out. When we ended up next to each other at a traffic light, I made the international motion for ‘roll down your window’. He did. “Good morning- you have a taillight out”, I said and waited for him to say “Thanks for letting me know” or “Oh goodness-I’ll have that fixed straight away” or “You are the best citizen there ever was” but he didn’t. He didn’t say anything. Instead, he looked at me blankly. “I’m going to let you go with a warning this time”, I said and winked at him. He did not think I was cute. He saw no value in my heads up about the taillight or in the incredibly appealing way in which it was delivered. He rolled up his window and stared straight ahead until the light turned green. I felt pretty foolish as he drove away and I couldn’t wait to tell Garrett about it when he got home that day.
Me: “Guess what I did today? It was awesome…”
Garrett: “Oh no. What?”
Me: “I asked a cop to roll down his window and then told him that he had a taillight out but that I was going to let him go with a warning this time!”
Garrett: “No you did not! Did you? That’s hysterical! I would love to have the balls to say something like that. Did he laugh?”
Me: “He did not. Not even a little bit. He didn’t smile either. His expression didn’t change, like, at all. Then I felt like a dumbass.”
Garrett: “Well, it’s funny…he must be having a crap life.”
Me: “That’s what I was thinking. He didn’t find me nearly as cute as I thought he should have. Believe me, though, I was adorable.”
Garrett: “Well, of course you were. I can’t believe you said that to a cop, though. I would never think to say anything like that to a cop. But that’s why I love you…you’re the perfect combination of crazy and charming.”
Me: “You’re sweet… thanks, honey. Let’s assume that he just found out he owes back-taxes or something and that his reaction had little to nothing to do with my amusing comment.”
Garrett: “Exactly. Who could resist your charm?”
Me: “Only cops who owe back-taxes.”
Garrett: “It’s true. Don’t let him bother you…you just keep being awesome.”
So that’s what I’m going to do. I have no choice, really.