Hold this on your lap, please

Mia, Leo and I were siting on a bench in a restaurant waiting for a for a to-go order. There was a temporary tattoo vending machine just by the door and, of course, they both wanted one. The one that popped out for Mia was a hot pink glitter dragon (hideous). Leo’s was a pit bull dog’s head with the word ‘Beware” written above it (ridiculous).

There was a television in the corner of the room and they asked if they could go watch it while I waited on our order. One of the servers offered to change the channel to cartoons for them. Before they walked across the room, Leo put his tattoo on my lap and said “Mom- will you just hold this until we go?”
“Sure” I said and asked him not to steal any more crackers from the salad bar.

After a few minutes a man brought out our order and I motioned for them to come over. I was paying our bill and making small talk with the server when Leo interrupted and said “Mom- where’s that tattoo I put on your privates?”

Y’all. He replaced the word ‘lap’ with ‘privates’ in the worst word substitution in the history of the world.

Thankfully, the server was about a thousand years old and I don’t think he heard what Leo said. Either that or he DID hear him and shuffled to the back to share with his coworkers that the lady that just left with her kids has a tattoo on her privates. Not only that but the SON put it there.

Either way, just to be safe, I’m never going there again. Eve

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